America (okay, the world) is obsessed with the Olympics right now. I really can’t relate. I’m not sure if that means that there’s something wrong with me patriotically, or that I just have too many things on my DVR already at the moment and my ADD won’t allow me to shift focus to ANYTHING else.
Honestly, there’s really no event in the summer Olympics that draws my interest. My sister was a competitive gymnast growing up, so I believe I’ve met my gymnastic quota for the rest of my life (cut to me every weekend as an 8th grader, doing my homework in the stands of some stuffy gym, usually in the Birmingham area, at 8:00 on a Saturday morning, dragged along to every gymnastics meet on the schedule). Watching competitive swimming is like watching a professional tennis match, only in slow motion (oh look, they’re going to the right…(pause)…now left…(pause)…now right…(pause)…now left…). Also, I have to ask, who made badminton an Olympic sport (what is this, a family picnic?)? The only event I’m remotely interested in is diving, and that’s only because their heads come so close to those concrete platforms that it actually provides some sort of suspense (and I’ve figured out I’d make a horrible diving commentator because the only thing I’d say the whole time would consist of one compound word, “Ohmigodshealmosthitherhead!”…or silence). I think football (the gridiron version) would make a great Olympic event, though mostly only the United States and Canada actually play it, so the entire event would consist of “U.S. vs. Canada, best 3 out of 5.”
I was sitting in the dentist chair this morning watching the Today show (clever name for a show, dontcha think?), and the coverage just really bothers me. The whole focus is Michael Phelps, apparently the reigning champion of “So You Think You Can Swim,” and replays of how allegedly one gymnast blew it for the whole American team Tuesday night by taking a fall off the balance beam (America now puts its entire hope in the all-around competition…and, of course, Michael “I’m the shit” Phelps). It irks me how everyone confuses Olympic spirit with patriotism, like we’re just gunning to beat everyone else as if it puts us up at the top of some global report card.
However, in full support of the games, I intend to continue to consume Coca-Cola and McDonald’s on a regular basis–I can has Olympic double-cheeseburger?
