I loved dinosaurs when I was a kid. I always wanted to go to natural history museums to see their bones, and I ended up spending all my money in the museum gift shop buying tons of books about them. I had a favorite: the triceratops; I thought he was both cute and menacing, something every little girl strives to be (or, at least, that’s how most of them appear to me). I even had Converse hi-top sneakers with dinosaurs all over them (do not be alarmed–that loud sound you’re hearing is just my “cool points” skyrocketing). So when I read a review of the History Channel’s “Jurassic Fight Club” in the New York Times, I ran straight to my DVR to set that up.
“Jurassic Fight Club” is kind of like a combination of “CSI” and any dinosaur film you ever had to watch in science class growing up. It starts by describing (dramatically) the discovery of a few sets of bones in one particular location, and goes on to surmise what happened there to kill those dinosaurs. They use a CT scanner on the skulls, check out teeth marks on the bones, and study the environment the bones were found in to try to put together the deadly scenario. All the while, they are discussing the history of the dinosaur and the various natural weapons on their bodies that would make them particularly menacing (teeth that point backwards, anyone?).
The show is hosted by a guy named “Dinosaur George” (who I plan on inviting to my next birthday party based on his name alone), who really gets excited talking about dinosaurs. And he always wears a nifty vest. There’s also a deep-voiced narrator who leads into every commercial break with such dramatic cliff-hangers that you can’t help but picture them being quoted by David Caruso while he puts on his sunglasses.
The best part is the last 10 minutes or so of the show, where they’ve put together a CGI reenactment of what they think happened between the dinosaurs to leave their shattered bones where they were found millions of years later by nerds who like to play in the dirt. There’s an ominous warning typed on the screen before the battle begins, stating “you are about to see a graphic reenactment of a prehistoric butt-whooping” or something like that, and then the throw-down begins. It’s not as graphic as they would like you to believe (computer animation can only take you so far), but it’s entertainment.
The first episode, entitled “Cannibal Dinosaur” starred a male/female pairing of majungasauruses (majungasauri?). Long story short, the dude wants to hook up with the chick, but she’s got her kid with her and isn’t gonna give up the goods. He figures he’s gotta stomp the kid if he ever wants her to open for business, so he goes after Junior. Chick flips and slams him with her tail, but somehow trips over a log in typical “girl in a horror movie” fashion. Dude takes that opportunity to pick up the kid and slam his skull against a tree. Mom recovers and nails the guy, but realizes her rug rat has already bit it. Get this: she then EATS HER KID…WHOLE. No tears, no ketchup, just brunch. Then she turns to guy she left twitching in the dust after she apparently bit right through his spinal cord, rips his stomach open and takes a big mouthful of his liver. Game over.
I don’t know about you, but that sounds like good family fun to me. Do yourself a favor and check it out. You might learn something.
